Still here, even with a baby, I'm still here.

 So, had an interesting conversation with the mother-in-law. 

She was out in town earlier today, running errands, and got a flat tire. First, she called her oldest son (my Partner) but he didn't answer as he was working. So then called her second son, who again was working, so didn't answer the phone. Her financial advisor (who she was with at the time) said, "Hey, you have AMA. Why don't you call them to come and change your tire? don't bug your kids, they are working. " So she did, she called the AMA. 

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this in any way. She pays for the service and has done for many years. It's out of habit that she calls her sons. When my partner asked me to call her back, as he didn't have time to talk, I gladly did. 

She told me the story of the flat, and I said to her "Hey, next time if AMA say it's going to be several hours, call me. I can come and help. I know how to change a tire." Her response confused me. "Well, we don't want any accidents or injuries" and she put down the phone. What did she mean? What was that? My partner called her when he got home to find out what was going on. He kept saying to her, call R. She's at home, she can help as we are all working. Use her, call her! She responded with "yeah, well she has a baby so that's not going to happen. You can't drop the baby to come and change a tire." No, but I could bring the baby so you can visit with her while I change your tire....... right? The accident comment was her way of saying no to me, as she couldn't think of another excuse not to have me come out. 

It seems that once you have a baby; you are no longer a person. I have asked the mother-in-law several times to call me if she needs anything, anything at all! It gets me and the baby out of the house for a while, that's always a great thing, she gets to see her granddaughter, but apparently, I am never to be called for anything. She refuses my help and won't even call me. 

So, I'm no longer a person? I exist solely for the baby and nothing else? I was talking to some of my "mom friends", and this is apparently a thing. They all get excluded from things now because you "can't drop the baby off to help someone out." 

I thought isolation was an issue. People don't want to call you to hang out now because you have a baby, but it seems it's deeper than that. You no longer exist or are even recognized as a person. A living being who can do things, other than look after a baby, change a tire, pack boxes to help you move, pick you up from the airport. Go shopping or go out for lunch. Cook a large meal so that family can come for dinner. Sometimes, people make excuses on your behalf too, oh the laundry isn't done, well you have a baby, so it's ok. I have not swept the floor? The baby, it's ok. The dishwasher hasn't been emptied? well, you got it run so things are clean, good job!

it's humiliating and frustrating. Yes, things are harder, but you make it work. You eventually get into a rhythm with your baby, Mine knows that after breakfast, we do the housework and get dressed. Once everything is done, we have playtime, then bottle and nap time. While she naps, I get some more things done. It is possible to do. And if you need my help? Either she comes with me, or I get someone to watch her. It depends on the situation. I do have emergency babysitters I can call. 

So please, check on your 'mom friends', we are not always ok. But we are still people. 

That third tooth is hard!

 So on the journey of teething, we now get to experience the joy of the third tooth, and it's a top one. There is not enough Tylenol in the world right now to deal with this one. 

We have tried all the different teething medications, designed for your growing baby, but when she won't even take a teething toy that you keep in the freezer, you just know this one is going to be bad. The late nights, the constant waking, the fussing during the day.The one thing that seems to help though.... chewing on mommy's hand. This makes her happy, even if it does leave teeth marks deep in my skin, and tears roll down my cheeks. Though we do need to teach her that biting is bad, she is too young to understand, and she's hurting. And of course, we do anything to help them when they are in pain. 

A few of my younger mom friends insist that all-natural products work, even when their kid is crying cause they are in pain. I personally can't do that to my little one. She needs to feel better, and if that means chewing on my hand...... then mommy sucks it up and has her hand chewed. I have tried the all-natural remedies, but nothing beats pure flesh and Tylenol. My next investment might be in band-aids. 

Even at that moment when the tooth broke free of the gum and is visible, that just seems to make it worse! Like that wasn't even the hard part of what she's going through. Now that little sucker has to keep growing through the bone to become the same size as its brethren in the lower jaw. I do also wonder if there are more trying to break through into the light. The constant chewing of her teething toy on one side is the clue there. I should be a detective.  

Its been a while..... sorry

 So the one thing people said to me was "if you want to change career, then when your daughter is between 3 and 6 months old, that's the best time to start"

Well...... No, that's not 100% true. The theory is that they are busy amusing themselves with the new skills they are learning, rolling, sitting, crawling. However, you are still glued to them and watching over them CONSTANTLY! take your eyes off a child learning to roll, and they have rolled right out the room before you know it. Crawling! Good luck! they are off and into another room before you finish blinking. Sitting up on their own, they fall and bump their heads and then the crying starts. 

While it is possible to do some "work" you cannot dedicate an hour or more to one task. You are still multi-tasking like a pro. Oh, and the phrase, "I will work when they nap..." that is totally dependant on them napping. 

Now, I am getting some work done, in the evenings, but it is getting done. My blogs may not be as up-to-date as I would like, and I'm hoping to change this. But, my daughter is growing, learning, and developing, so it's not all bad. 

Rubber Ducky!

 Today we upgraded from the baby/infant bathtub in the kitchen sink to that of an inflatable bathtub that sits in the adult full-size tub. We could sit up on our own, splash around in the water, even play with our rubber ducky! Mom was able to wash my hair and body without me falling over, though I did get a couple of mouthfuls of water as I tried to eat the duck without picking it up first. I'm such a big girl! so happy to be in the big girl bath, I'm looking forward to doing it again!

It's good to know that one of us had so much excitement. Don't get me wrong, the fact that she is big enough now for a bigger tub, and can sit up on her own and play with her bath toys is fantastic. Watching her grow and learn is such a privilege. However... Mom's knees are not up to the task. We do have a special knee pad for beside the bathtub, but after kneeling for any length of time, and then trying to stand up, well that is a new challenge in itself. 

We decided to tag-team getting her out of the bath and me off the floor. I made it to the edge of the bathtub, knees complaining and screaming in agony as I did. Daddy got the towel ready and held it against him so that I could lift her up and pass her to him. He then wrapped her in one towel while I grabbed another larger one to double wrap her in. He then took her to the nursery to start getting her dried and into her jammies, while I emptied the tub and tried to stand fully. 

Think we can all agree that from now on, bath time is a two-person job. One to kneel and one to stand. trying to do this alone, well, I don't want to think about that too much right now. My partner will be going away for a fishing trip soon here, so this will be a concern, but fortunately, she has a lot of Aunts and uncles who will gladly come to help.  

I think this time to start again with the multi-vitamins, glucosamine tablets, maybe even look at taking up yoga. I'm too young for knee braces and supports, and old enough to know I need to help my body. The years have not been kind to it, I should really pay more attention to its needs. Today proved that. Suggestions as to what to do are welcomed!

I may be old, but that doesn't matter any more.

 If you have been following me for a while now, you will see that though this started as a blog about being an older, first-time mother, in reality, it's now just about being a mom. 

There are times when my age will still come into play, this goes without saying, however, a lot of the struggles I face, so do many other moms.

I found out recently that a friend of ours just had her first. A little boy, now a month old. And she left her partner. I don't know the reasons and frankly, I wasn't going to ask. It's her business, not mine. But she is proud to call herself a single mother. She is up for the challenge and ready to take on the world. After a nap, and possibly a gallon of coffee. Knowing what we deal with as a couple, I can only imagine what she faces alone. She is younger, and she admits she has more energy than me, and we can laugh about it, but she is also exhausted, you can see it in her eyes. So, if for no other reason than a good laugh, I hope that these blog posts will brighten your day, help you realize that we all go through the same things as parents, alone or not. 

Lets all crawl together!

 Crawling. 

A double edge sword. Yes, I want you to crawl, show development, and will be super cute. Oh dear god please don't crawl yet, I don't have baby gates! But please crawl, it's one step closer to walking and sitting up on your own. But BABY GATES! I need to buy some, please don't crawl yet........

Does anyone else go through this?

Sure all moms do. We want our kids to grow and develop, hit those milestones faster than other kids, cause, well, ours is the best of course. But crawling will present more obstacles and challenges. 

Looking around the apartment, we realize that we have a lot of shelves and a lot of things on those shelves. And no doors on them. Nothing to hide things away from a crawling baby who will undoubtedly start to get into everything..... EVERYTHING! Not only do we need baby gates, but we will also need baby locks on doors... doors on shelves that we don't have. Time to upgrade, but new cabinets with doors, so that we can lock things away from the reach of a growing baby. 

A friend joked that it was a sign of my age, wanting cabinets with doors on them. The fact that it is to stop baby-grabbing things seemed to go over her head. It's an old lady thing. Keep the dust off. No! Keep out of babies' hands! That's not an age thing, right?

Every day we do our crawling exercises. I have her on the floor on her tummy and we band our legs, push off mommy's legs and go through the motions. Mommy then lays next to her and demonstrates how to crawl. This results in laughing and rolling, not quite the crawling expert yet, but she's getting the message and tries every day to coordinate her arms and legs. I want her to crawl, we can play more games, chase her around, etc. But seriously.... Baby gates. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Sleep deprived but still doing what needs to be done

 Sleep... who needs sleep (insert maniacal laugh)?

The last two weeks have been hard. My partner is now on a new pay schedule, so the budget just got a lot tighter. The little one is rolling for Canada and eating lots of solid foods, giving her the energy of the energizer bunny through the day..... and night. 

The housework is still getting done and the family is well-fed. All things that happen on autopilot. Though probably, not done to the highest standard that it is usually. 

We were told by her doctor that the more solid foods she eats during the day, means that she will go to bed with a fuller tummy and sleep better. But, I don't think she told the baby. While night feeds have all but stopped, we are waking up every couple of hours with so much energy! the rolling, laughing, playing. Quiet time means we scream louder as it echos in the nursery, and this is so much fun. When I say screams, she has a happy scream that she does in short bursts. Not a pain or fear scream, just one that then changes into laughing and excited noises. 

Now, I need my sleep, and I'm sure every mom everywhere can agree that age will come into play a little bit here. Younger mothers are better equipped with the younger body that can handle lack of sleep, for probably a few days more than someone like me. I've been operating on broken sleep for two weeks now, and enough is enough. But, when I ask for help, no one is around. My partner does what he can when he can, but he works nights, so that's hard too. 

So how do we process this? Copious amounts of caffeinated drinks. Like, hook me up to an IV and just keep it flowing. Catnaps, when she naps and prayers for the weekend to come quick so that daddy can take over and let mommy, sleep. Fingers crossed that this sleep pattern breaks soon. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak