Still here, even with a baby, I'm still here.

 So, had an interesting conversation with the mother-in-law. 

She was out in town earlier today, running errands, and got a flat tire. First, she called her oldest son (my Partner) but he didn't answer as he was working. So then called her second son, who again was working, so didn't answer the phone. Her financial advisor (who she was with at the time) said, "Hey, you have AMA. Why don't you call them to come and change your tire? don't bug your kids, they are working. " So she did, she called the AMA. 

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this in any way. She pays for the service and has done for many years. It's out of habit that she calls her sons. When my partner asked me to call her back, as he didn't have time to talk, I gladly did. 

She told me the story of the flat, and I said to her "Hey, next time if AMA say it's going to be several hours, call me. I can come and help. I know how to change a tire." Her response confused me. "Well, we don't want any accidents or injuries" and she put down the phone. What did she mean? What was that? My partner called her when he got home to find out what was going on. He kept saying to her, call R. She's at home, she can help as we are all working. Use her, call her! She responded with "yeah, well she has a baby so that's not going to happen. You can't drop the baby to come and change a tire." No, but I could bring the baby so you can visit with her while I change your tire....... right? The accident comment was her way of saying no to me, as she couldn't think of another excuse not to have me come out. 

It seems that once you have a baby; you are no longer a person. I have asked the mother-in-law several times to call me if she needs anything, anything at all! It gets me and the baby out of the house for a while, that's always a great thing, she gets to see her granddaughter, but apparently, I am never to be called for anything. She refuses my help and won't even call me. 

So, I'm no longer a person? I exist solely for the baby and nothing else? I was talking to some of my "mom friends", and this is apparently a thing. They all get excluded from things now because you "can't drop the baby off to help someone out." 

I thought isolation was an issue. People don't want to call you to hang out now because you have a baby, but it seems it's deeper than that. You no longer exist or are even recognized as a person. A living being who can do things, other than look after a baby, change a tire, pack boxes to help you move, pick you up from the airport. Go shopping or go out for lunch. Cook a large meal so that family can come for dinner. Sometimes, people make excuses on your behalf too, oh the laundry isn't done, well you have a baby, so it's ok. I have not swept the floor? The baby, it's ok. The dishwasher hasn't been emptied? well, you got it run so things are clean, good job!

it's humiliating and frustrating. Yes, things are harder, but you make it work. You eventually get into a rhythm with your baby, Mine knows that after breakfast, we do the housework and get dressed. Once everything is done, we have playtime, then bottle and nap time. While she naps, I get some more things done. It is possible to do. And if you need my help? Either she comes with me, or I get someone to watch her. It depends on the situation. I do have emergency babysitters I can call. 

So please, check on your 'mom friends', we are not always ok. But we are still people. 

That third tooth is hard!

 So on the journey of teething, we now get to experience the joy of the third tooth, and it's a top one. There is not enough Tylenol in the world right now to deal with this one. 

We have tried all the different teething medications, designed for your growing baby, but when she won't even take a teething toy that you keep in the freezer, you just know this one is going to be bad. The late nights, the constant waking, the fussing during the day.The one thing that seems to help though.... chewing on mommy's hand. This makes her happy, even if it does leave teeth marks deep in my skin, and tears roll down my cheeks. Though we do need to teach her that biting is bad, she is too young to understand, and she's hurting. And of course, we do anything to help them when they are in pain. 

A few of my younger mom friends insist that all-natural products work, even when their kid is crying cause they are in pain. I personally can't do that to my little one. She needs to feel better, and if that means chewing on my hand...... then mommy sucks it up and has her hand chewed. I have tried the all-natural remedies, but nothing beats pure flesh and Tylenol. My next investment might be in band-aids. 

Even at that moment when the tooth broke free of the gum and is visible, that just seems to make it worse! Like that wasn't even the hard part of what she's going through. Now that little sucker has to keep growing through the bone to become the same size as its brethren in the lower jaw. I do also wonder if there are more trying to break through into the light. The constant chewing of her teething toy on one side is the clue there. I should be a detective.  

Its been a while..... sorry

 So the one thing people said to me was "if you want to change career, then when your daughter is between 3 and 6 months old, that's the best time to start"

Well...... No, that's not 100% true. The theory is that they are busy amusing themselves with the new skills they are learning, rolling, sitting, crawling. However, you are still glued to them and watching over them CONSTANTLY! take your eyes off a child learning to roll, and they have rolled right out the room before you know it. Crawling! Good luck! they are off and into another room before you finish blinking. Sitting up on their own, they fall and bump their heads and then the crying starts. 

While it is possible to do some "work" you cannot dedicate an hour or more to one task. You are still multi-tasking like a pro. Oh, and the phrase, "I will work when they nap..." that is totally dependant on them napping. 

Now, I am getting some work done, in the evenings, but it is getting done. My blogs may not be as up-to-date as I would like, and I'm hoping to change this. But, my daughter is growing, learning, and developing, so it's not all bad. 

Rubber Ducky!

 Today we upgraded from the baby/infant bathtub in the kitchen sink to that of an inflatable bathtub that sits in the adult full-size tub. We could sit up on our own, splash around in the water, even play with our rubber ducky! Mom was able to wash my hair and body without me falling over, though I did get a couple of mouthfuls of water as I tried to eat the duck without picking it up first. I'm such a big girl! so happy to be in the big girl bath, I'm looking forward to doing it again!

It's good to know that one of us had so much excitement. Don't get me wrong, the fact that she is big enough now for a bigger tub, and can sit up on her own and play with her bath toys is fantastic. Watching her grow and learn is such a privilege. However... Mom's knees are not up to the task. We do have a special knee pad for beside the bathtub, but after kneeling for any length of time, and then trying to stand up, well that is a new challenge in itself. 

We decided to tag-team getting her out of the bath and me off the floor. I made it to the edge of the bathtub, knees complaining and screaming in agony as I did. Daddy got the towel ready and held it against him so that I could lift her up and pass her to him. He then wrapped her in one towel while I grabbed another larger one to double wrap her in. He then took her to the nursery to start getting her dried and into her jammies, while I emptied the tub and tried to stand fully. 

Think we can all agree that from now on, bath time is a two-person job. One to kneel and one to stand. trying to do this alone, well, I don't want to think about that too much right now. My partner will be going away for a fishing trip soon here, so this will be a concern, but fortunately, she has a lot of Aunts and uncles who will gladly come to help.  

I think this time to start again with the multi-vitamins, glucosamine tablets, maybe even look at taking up yoga. I'm too young for knee braces and supports, and old enough to know I need to help my body. The years have not been kind to it, I should really pay more attention to its needs. Today proved that. Suggestions as to what to do are welcomed!

I may be old, but that doesn't matter any more.

 If you have been following me for a while now, you will see that though this started as a blog about being an older, first-time mother, in reality, it's now just about being a mom. 

There are times when my age will still come into play, this goes without saying, however, a lot of the struggles I face, so do many other moms.

I found out recently that a friend of ours just had her first. A little boy, now a month old. And she left her partner. I don't know the reasons and frankly, I wasn't going to ask. It's her business, not mine. But she is proud to call herself a single mother. She is up for the challenge and ready to take on the world. After a nap, and possibly a gallon of coffee. Knowing what we deal with as a couple, I can only imagine what she faces alone. She is younger, and she admits she has more energy than me, and we can laugh about it, but she is also exhausted, you can see it in her eyes. So, if for no other reason than a good laugh, I hope that these blog posts will brighten your day, help you realize that we all go through the same things as parents, alone or not. 

Lets all crawl together!

 Crawling. 

A double edge sword. Yes, I want you to crawl, show development, and will be super cute. Oh dear god please don't crawl yet, I don't have baby gates! But please crawl, it's one step closer to walking and sitting up on your own. But BABY GATES! I need to buy some, please don't crawl yet........

Does anyone else go through this?

Sure all moms do. We want our kids to grow and develop, hit those milestones faster than other kids, cause, well, ours is the best of course. But crawling will present more obstacles and challenges. 

Looking around the apartment, we realize that we have a lot of shelves and a lot of things on those shelves. And no doors on them. Nothing to hide things away from a crawling baby who will undoubtedly start to get into everything..... EVERYTHING! Not only do we need baby gates, but we will also need baby locks on doors... doors on shelves that we don't have. Time to upgrade, but new cabinets with doors, so that we can lock things away from the reach of a growing baby. 

A friend joked that it was a sign of my age, wanting cabinets with doors on them. The fact that it is to stop baby-grabbing things seemed to go over her head. It's an old lady thing. Keep the dust off. No! Keep out of babies' hands! That's not an age thing, right?

Every day we do our crawling exercises. I have her on the floor on her tummy and we band our legs, push off mommy's legs and go through the motions. Mommy then lays next to her and demonstrates how to crawl. This results in laughing and rolling, not quite the crawling expert yet, but she's getting the message and tries every day to coordinate her arms and legs. I want her to crawl, we can play more games, chase her around, etc. But seriously.... Baby gates. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Sleep deprived but still doing what needs to be done

 Sleep... who needs sleep (insert maniacal laugh)?

The last two weeks have been hard. My partner is now on a new pay schedule, so the budget just got a lot tighter. The little one is rolling for Canada and eating lots of solid foods, giving her the energy of the energizer bunny through the day..... and night. 

The housework is still getting done and the family is well-fed. All things that happen on autopilot. Though probably, not done to the highest standard that it is usually. 

We were told by her doctor that the more solid foods she eats during the day, means that she will go to bed with a fuller tummy and sleep better. But, I don't think she told the baby. While night feeds have all but stopped, we are waking up every couple of hours with so much energy! the rolling, laughing, playing. Quiet time means we scream louder as it echos in the nursery, and this is so much fun. When I say screams, she has a happy scream that she does in short bursts. Not a pain or fear scream, just one that then changes into laughing and excited noises. 

Now, I need my sleep, and I'm sure every mom everywhere can agree that age will come into play a little bit here. Younger mothers are better equipped with the younger body that can handle lack of sleep, for probably a few days more than someone like me. I've been operating on broken sleep for two weeks now, and enough is enough. But, when I ask for help, no one is around. My partner does what he can when he can, but he works nights, so that's hard too. 

So how do we process this? Copious amounts of caffeinated drinks. Like, hook me up to an IV and just keep it flowing. Catnaps, when she naps and prayers for the weekend to come quick so that daddy can take over and let mommy, sleep. Fingers crossed that this sleep pattern breaks soon. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Toothpaste or no toothpaste, that is one question

 So now that we have teeth, we should brush them. We were given a soft starter toothbrush at the baby shower, but no toothpaste. Now, is that because you don't learn with toothpaste at first? Is toothpaste not safe enough for infants as they don't get the concept of spitting it out? Brushing your own teeth is second nature, you don't remember someone teaching you this basic life skill.

How am I supposed to teach her? is there a certain way to do it? And seriously! Toothpaste or no toothpaste?

When we had our last vaccines, we were told that when her teeth start to show, you can start brushing. But that was all the guidance we were given. Hopefully, her pediatrician will go into more detail at her next check-up. Till then, it's off to the grocery store to see what the toothpaste boxes say.

Well, it turns out that you can buy training toothpaste. Did you know that? I feel like at my age I should have. It's designed for infants as young as three months and is safe if (as you know it will be) swallowed. 

So, here begins the teeth brushing journey. I set up her inflatable chair in the bathroom, wet the toothbrush, applied (less than the stated amount) of toothpaste, and looked her dead in the eye. "Ok kid, here goes nothing" I put the toothbrush in her mouth, let her chew on it for a second, then slowly started to "brush" her tiny teeth. Fortunately, she laughed and smiled. We are off to a good start! Now, to do this twice a day.....

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

And, we are on the move!

 So, for the last month or so, we have been learning to move. 

Rolling is the current way to go, we roll off the play mat, under the coffee table, under the sofa, into the tv stand, and everywhere that there is an open space. We kinda throw our body around to change direction, but I think that's more luck than anything else. We are learning that it hurts when we get frustrated and slam our head on the floor. 

The jolly jumper? Oh, this is the most amazing thing in the world! when we are done with the rolling, we love to stand up and then bounce, another couple of skills we have been working on too. Stomping our feet, bouncing around to make the music play, standing straight up! 

Unfortunately, our attention span is that of an infant. Short and not always sweet. The rolling is great, as it means mom has to get up constantly to catch me, pull me out from under that furniture, or sit on the floor with me as we work on sitting up on our own. Or she has to stand next to me in the jumper, showing me how to bounce, stand up straight, or pick me up within seconds of putting me in it as I've decided I need a diaper change. 

Mom always makes me laugh when she hast to get me, the grunts and creaking sounds as she bends to pick me up or get up off the floor just make me belly laugh so much! 

Yes, there are days when I have to accept that my body is older than most, and will complain when I ask it to do things. Sometimes, bits of me will crack that I didn't know could, or should. The joints in my knees groan and hurt as I get up off the floor. Good to know that it makes her laugh and that she doesn't understand yet what it means. Good to know too that I have a good chiropractor and massage therapist that I see for some self-love and care, which these old bones need. But once again, the little voice in the back of your head speaks up. You're old. Older than the traditional mom, can you do this?

Silence you! Yes, yes I can do this! 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

What is this strange and unusual stuff you are giving me?

 Real food!!!!

We are now at that age where we can start to introduce real foods. And by real foods, we mean the baby cereals you can buy. Though at first she was limited to oat or rice, now being six months old, she can have oat and rice cereals, but with fruit flakes. Or something out of a jar. 

Breakfast and dinner have now become a great source of entertainment for me and my partner. She has a lot of different facial expressions when trying new foods. If she likes it, she will throw herself forward to get to the spoon as you are trying to get the food onto it. If she doesn't, well, then you chase her face around making nom-nom noises and try to slip the spoon in when she opens her mouth to "talk back to you".

Now, this is where my age comes into play a little. I strongly believe in real home-cooked food. Especially when it comes to my family. It's not very often you will see me cooking with jars and jars of pre-made sauces and things. Don't get me wrong, they are great if you are in a rush, lacking inspiration or time. I do believe that pre-made foods have a place. But being as I am home now, I can take the time to cook foods from scratch and have her sit in her high chair, in the kitchen with me, so I can start to teach her too. I talk to her and explain what I'm doing. Most of the time she is more interested in her toys, but there are moments when I pretend she looks interested. 

The premade baby foods are a great introduction for her and I know that they are formulated to help her grow and are high in iron etc. But, when she gets a bit older and is having three meals a day, I will be making her own food and blending it. A mix of different fruits and vegetables, beef, chicken, all blended together. No seasonings, just let the natural flavors come through. While I know you can buy the little jars of baby food, making my own gives me more control over what she eats. Also, I object to paying almost two dollars for a small jar of food that is gone in two meals. 

As her teeth come in more, and she gets more teeth, we will blend less and less so that she can start to use them and learn how to chew more. My Partner is so excited for her to have her first steak. 

Till then, baby food it is, she loves the multigrain and fruits in the morning and rice with a jar mixed in for flavor in the evening. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Teeth! They are cute and small.

 Well, Christmas has come and gone. Christmas day we spent stressing out over cooking, opening presents, spending time with the family, and dealing with teeth.

Yes, on Christmas day we discover why our precious little princess had been impersonating Golem for several days. The fussing and the crying and the screaming. All on repeat. Christmas morning I notice she is chewing on a lot of different things, drooling all over the place and her little cheeks are all red. I look inside her mouth, and there are two little teeth that have popped up, literally overnight. 

Now, I have helped a lot of friends with their children through different stages, but it occurred to me that teething was not one of them. Suddenly, my partner and bouncing baby are both looking at me for help. Here I am looking at google, texting a friend of mine who has two kids of her own. I should know this, I should know what to do to help this little angel. But I don't. 

We do have a teething toy that you put in the freezer, supposed to help the pain and irritation in her gums, that has fortunately been in the freezer for months, so we take it out and give it to her. The look on her face went from, yuk that's cold, to ooo that feels nice too, we're done, I don't want this and got thrown across the room. All within a few seconds. So that's not going to work. I know I can buy teething drops to help, small 1ml vials you pour in her mouth, but it's Christmas day, none of the shops are open. Her Grandma suggests whiskey. Well, I know that back in the day people did. However, we have to be really careful what we give her, she has issues when she was born and took a lot to keep her out of the NICU. Don't want to go there today. 

We dose her up on Tylenol and hope that this will help her till we can get to the shops.

Boxing day was easier. Except, to help her now, she likes to bite. Bite her toys, bite the nipples on the bottles.... bite your fingers/hands/arms/neck, whatever she can reach. She's become a vampire. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Hair Dye or not too Hair dye, that is the question.

 Now to say that the grey hair that is slowly taking over my head is a sign of my age, well, it is kinda true. I have a lot of it. Some people call them silver strands, some people call them wisdom hairs (If that's the case, then I'm wise well beyond my years!) however you refer to them, there is a lot. And there are times when it does bother me. 

This plays into the whole "I'm an older mother" and the fears associated with this. Now, I have been dying my hair since I was a teenager. I have done every shade of red, brown, black, blonde, and dabbled in blues and Purple. My natural hair color (which I only remember when I look at photos pre hair dye) bored me when I was younger. It wasn't "hip" enough. The boys all had frosted tips and looked like members of the latest boy bands, the girls all favored Rachel from Friends, and the Goth kids all had bright neon streaks in their hair. 

I wanted to be different, but couldn't find my niche. 

Now, it's not about keeping up with trends or celebrities, it's about not embarrassing my daughter. I also have to remember that she is only 5 months old at this time, and doesn't care that I have grey hair, she loves me regardless. But it still bothers me.  

I have dyed my hair once since she was born, and she was at home to witness it, but she was only weeks old, and only knew the sound of my voice as she couldn't see past her nose. 

So, the question is, do I continue to dye my hair, hide my greys and try to keep up the appearance of being younger (as let's face it, that would be the big reason right now) OR, do I let the grey take over, consume my head and let her see the "real" me? could be a good teaching lesson for when she is old enough to understand....... and be embarrassed.

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Christmas is coming! PANIC!

 Christmas is just around the corner, our first with the little one. 

As far as I was concerned, it was Christmas as usual, I would cook Christmas dinner, we decorate the house and tree, and overspend on each other, just with more focus on overspending on her. 

I had my Christmas baking all planned out, from traditional family cookies to Ukrainian treats for my partner and his family. I knew what dishes I was going to make for dinner and when they needed to be prepared in advance. 

What could go wrong?

Well, We have a 5-month-old, who while can be left alone to roll around on her playmat for a short time, we have a 5-month-old who cannot be left alone for any length of cooking and baking time. She does enjoy her high chair, so I sat her in it with a few toys, and had her with me in the kitchen. "Ok, cooking lesson 1!" I talked to her, explained to her what I was doing and why, and this lasted for a whole 5 minutes before a diaper change was needed and a bottle. Ok, I can't have the stove or oven on in case she falls asleep on me,,,, don't want anything to burn. Ok, I will prepare doughs and other things, so when my partner comes home, he can watch her while I cook. But I also have to cook dinner, so that will take up some of the stove and oven space. And everything will be different cooking temperatures and times, so that won't work either. 

Plan B, prepare what I can wait till the weekend. 

The weekend comes around.... My Partner gets called into work, it's their busiest time and getting busier. He's a truck driver so this will also mean longer hours with the snow and road conditions. So... Might have to rethink the baking and cooking, scale back a bit? 

We have managed to get the tree up, took longer as we worked in shifts to play and interact with our daughter and to keep her from rolling in the way. Like, it took three hours instead of one, and I was cooking dinner at the same time. 

Plan C, Christmas will be done over two days instead of one. His family one day, mine the next. His family will be treated to brunch, with the most adventurous thing being eggnog french toast. Mine will have a baked ham, salad, and some roasted veggies. 

Cookies and treats, well, there is always next year. Walmart has a good selection of premade treats. Now, all we have to focus on is the overspending and finding time to wrap without each other seeing, and her getting into the paper and tape and without the cats destroying the tree.  

There is always next year, right?

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

These are not the emotions you are looking for

 Pregnancy will flood you with more emotions than you can handle. In the beginning, I had burst into tears at work one day, uncontrollable crying, for no reason! So much so that I had to leave work. My boss kept laughing at me, especially when, while on the phone with her, I realized I had left my banana at home and this resulted in the ugly crying and almost hyperventilating. 

This did not subside in any way, throughout the whole nine months, any little thing could set me off (Never ask my partner to confirm this, he will reference Jurassic park, fallen kingdom, and then make fun of me as I cry again.)

To my DISMAY, this continues to the day, 5-6 months after she arrived. I didn't think that everything would return to normal straight away, but come on! My beautiful baby girl is learning to roll over, she rolled so much that she rolled off her play mat, and bumped her head on the leg of the coffee table, not hard let's be clear, it was a little tap. But it made her cry, and it made me cry as I picked her up to comfort her. Why was I crying? she was fine, no blood, no bruising, just a little tap! I was crying harder than she was!! Big Momma bear turned into a wreck. 

My partner came home later that day and I told him what happened, and that I cried too, he laughed (as I'm sure you are now too) but instead of laughing with him as any normal person would, I got mad. I couldn't help it, I was mad at him, so much so I couldn't talk to him for about half an hour. There was no reason for it. I'm normally a very happy person, in our whole relationship, I think we have only argued once or twice. We laugh at everything and talk like normal rational people, but today, I was a horrible person. 

I reached out to some other mom friends of mine, the response was the same from all of them, You're still dealing with hormones, this will make you irrationally emotional. It takes longer than a few months for those to return to normal if they ever will. 

I spent two days apologizing to my partner, we both laugh now, he even makes fun of me for it. Good to know it happens to everyone, I'm not abnormal. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

I treated myself.....And I used conditioner!

 Between all the cooking and cleaning that comes with being a stay-at-home mom, looking after a baby less than a year old means that showers are quick. Yes, I can take longer ones when my partner comes home, but only by about 5 minutes. Quicker if she starts to cry. While he is an amazing father and plays with her and feeds her, when it comes to diaper changes or uncontrollable crying, he is like a helpless babe himself.

However, this shower was for me, my birthday weekend, I was going to treat myself to conditioner! I know that that sounds ridiculous, but I have spent the last few weeks operating on the bare minimum of self-love. Yes my family are fed, wearing cleaning clothes, living in a clean home, with meals prepped ahead of time for both super and lunches for my partner while he is at work, but for me, hair is slicked back into a headband, my pants are so comfortable that they could spend the day on the sofa by themselves, and my shirt is stained with baby vomit, despite multiple washes.  

So, I cranked up the volume on my Spotify playlist (to a huge number 6! any louder and I could have woken the sleeping baby) turned up the water temp from lukewarm to steamy hot, shook off the mom clothes, and jumped in. After the quick wash down that usually happens, I reached for that conditioner bottle and felt the life return to my hair. It's a feeling that cannot be put into words.

Once out of the shower, and dried off, I brush out my hair. No knots, no tangles, the brush glides through effortlessly. Again, a feeling that cannot be put into words. There is nothing like self-love to give you that boost that you are perhaps missing as a busy mom. I was ready to slick back the hair again, done the comfy pants and stained shirt, but that energy of knowing that at the end of the day, when I get to go bed, my hair will still be silky smooth, voluminous, and tangle-free, that will last for a good day or two. And that's all I need to carry on.  

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Fears and worries of the older mother.

 As I watch my daughter, only months old, working so hard on rolling from her back to her tummy, cooing and stretching, twisting and then stomping her feet on the ground out of frustration, I think to myself.....When she's in her thirties, I will be in my sixties......

Will I still be active enough to keep up with her? I hurt now (other health issues unrelated to age) will this get in the way of her childhood? When she is in her forties, I will be in my seventies, now things get really scary! what if she has kids and they look at me like I'm the Great Grandmother, not just their Grandmother. 

But before that, will the other parents mock me or judge me when I take her to school? The younger mothers being more concerned with their image on Instagram or whatever social media platform is the popular choice then, or their favorite flavor from Starbucks was discontinued, while I'm over here worrying about the price of pull-ups and kids clothes. 

Now I know that that statement is judgy in itself, I honestly couldn't say what a younger parent's worries are, some will be the same as mine, the price of diapers and pull-ups for example. When is the next child benefit payment coming in, the price of gas, etc, but not their age? As far as they are concerned, everything is as it should be. They had a family at the "right" age, and so the age difference between mom and child is acceptable. Just from people I have met in different situations, I know that my age has been something for people to question and judge. How will I cope when they get older. When will they have to change my diapers? 

Well, I have a partner to help with that for starters, but in all honesty, it does worry me deep down. However, I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She is healthy, we are healthy and together we are strong. We plan to raise our daughter to know that age, while it does matter in a lot of situations, there are somewhere it doesn't. Want to buy alcohol? wait till you're 18. Want to drive? Wait till you're 14. Start a family of your own, doesn't matter as long as you have moved out and can pay your own bills and have a stable, healthy relationship that has lasted for more than 5 minutes. 

Yes, I am the older mother, and while it does worry me at times, I'm going to rock it! I WILL be able to keep up with the younger parents and most importantly, I will keep up with my daughter. We will be able to do all the things other parents and children do, and we will be proud of each other (at least, until she becomes a teenager, and is embarrassed to be seen with me)

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Yes i'm older.....deal with it

 Not long ago, my partner and I were at a family function. My cousin was getting ready to travel overseas for school. We got talking to a couple who were friends of my Aunts. They were in their 40s and have at least one child. 

They were cooing over our daughter, a mere two months old at the time, saying how they would love to have another, but they were too old now. "Could you even imagine, trying to look after a newborn when you are 40? the toll on your body would slow you down and make it impossible." They were saying.

Well, yes.... yes I can. While my partner may be in his mid-thirties, I AM 40. This is our first and only child. A gift that I have been waiting for my whole life. 

Due to life choices, I had made (and not the good kind as it turned out) I had been denied a family. However, my new partner, a man who has turned my life around for the better, was excited about the prospect of a family, and though it had taken 3 years of trying, is the proudest man a father could be. My age doesn't bother him at all, what is age but just a number.  

I face the same challenges any new parent faces, up every 2 hours to feed in the beginning, being puked on so much, it's my new perfume, diaper changes that should come with a radiation warning on them, the fear that you've put them to bed wrong (the fear of SIDS was drilled into me in the hospital) or that your feeding them wrong, not reading enough to them, or the TV show you are watching while they nap is somehow affecting the way that they will grow up (I love Supernatural and Criminal Minds for example). 

Also, I had a C-Section. So that comes with its own challenges too, just like it does for anyone else. For 6 weeks post-op, you cannot lift, bend, twist, carry anything over 10 lbs or drive. Now, my partner is a truck driver, and we could only afford for him to have the first week off. So that started when I was discharged. The help was great as I was pretty much confined to bed still. But after that, we had to find a way for me to be able to pick up our daughter without bending down so that I could carry her to the nursery to change her diaper. Make sure that her bottles were close to hand to prepare quickly (I was unable to breastfeed) and have food for me until he got home. 

My mother would come over to drive me to appointments, and help with the baby. Getting her dressed, put in the car seat and carried out to the car, and then subsequently into the appointment, but she works too, so when we got back home, she would help me into the house, get settled, and then she had to leave. 

Would I have had all these issues if I was 10 or 20 years younger? probably. Does anything change because I'm 40? No. I still have the same challenges as anyone else. Does my body hurt a bit more or take longer to heal? well, I have other health issues, so yes, but my age doesn't have an impact on that. 

I am so thankful every day, that my life's dream has come true, I treasure each and every moment with my family and I cannot imagine life without either of them. So if someone says to you, your too old to start a family, blow a big raspberry in their face, laugh, and walk away. You are never too old.

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

A brief introduction, brief as not sure how long she will nap...

 Hello!

I am a new mother and while my daughter is the light of my life, there are things that I have experienced, both good and bad both pre and post-partum. And a lot of this has to do with my age. 

I'm older than most "traditional" mothers. While there are older mothers out there still, I wanted to share some of my experiences with you, maybe it will brighten your day and give you a giggle, or it will let you know you are not alone. Either way, I hope you have a good read and an uplifting break in your hectic lives. We all have them!

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak