Teeth! They are cute and small.

 Well, Christmas has come and gone. Christmas day we spent stressing out over cooking, opening presents, spending time with the family, and dealing with teeth.

Yes, on Christmas day we discover why our precious little princess had been impersonating Golem for several days. The fussing and the crying and the screaming. All on repeat. Christmas morning I notice she is chewing on a lot of different things, drooling all over the place and her little cheeks are all red. I look inside her mouth, and there are two little teeth that have popped up, literally overnight. 

Now, I have helped a lot of friends with their children through different stages, but it occurred to me that teething was not one of them. Suddenly, my partner and bouncing baby are both looking at me for help. Here I am looking at google, texting a friend of mine who has two kids of her own. I should know this, I should know what to do to help this little angel. But I don't. 

We do have a teething toy that you put in the freezer, supposed to help the pain and irritation in her gums, that has fortunately been in the freezer for months, so we take it out and give it to her. The look on her face went from, yuk that's cold, to ooo that feels nice too, we're done, I don't want this and got thrown across the room. All within a few seconds. So that's not going to work. I know I can buy teething drops to help, small 1ml vials you pour in her mouth, but it's Christmas day, none of the shops are open. Her Grandma suggests whiskey. Well, I know that back in the day people did. However, we have to be really careful what we give her, she has issues when she was born and took a lot to keep her out of the NICU. Don't want to go there today. 

We dose her up on Tylenol and hope that this will help her till we can get to the shops.

Boxing day was easier. Except, to help her now, she likes to bite. Bite her toys, bite the nipples on the bottles.... bite your fingers/hands/arms/neck, whatever she can reach. She's become a vampire. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Hair Dye or not too Hair dye, that is the question.

 Now to say that the grey hair that is slowly taking over my head is a sign of my age, well, it is kinda true. I have a lot of it. Some people call them silver strands, some people call them wisdom hairs (If that's the case, then I'm wise well beyond my years!) however you refer to them, there is a lot. And there are times when it does bother me. 

This plays into the whole "I'm an older mother" and the fears associated with this. Now, I have been dying my hair since I was a teenager. I have done every shade of red, brown, black, blonde, and dabbled in blues and Purple. My natural hair color (which I only remember when I look at photos pre hair dye) bored me when I was younger. It wasn't "hip" enough. The boys all had frosted tips and looked like members of the latest boy bands, the girls all favored Rachel from Friends, and the Goth kids all had bright neon streaks in their hair. 

I wanted to be different, but couldn't find my niche. 

Now, it's not about keeping up with trends or celebrities, it's about not embarrassing my daughter. I also have to remember that she is only 5 months old at this time, and doesn't care that I have grey hair, she loves me regardless. But it still bothers me.  

I have dyed my hair once since she was born, and she was at home to witness it, but she was only weeks old, and only knew the sound of my voice as she couldn't see past her nose. 

So, the question is, do I continue to dye my hair, hide my greys and try to keep up the appearance of being younger (as let's face it, that would be the big reason right now) OR, do I let the grey take over, consume my head and let her see the "real" me? could be a good teaching lesson for when she is old enough to understand....... and be embarrassed.

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Christmas is coming! PANIC!

 Christmas is just around the corner, our first with the little one. 

As far as I was concerned, it was Christmas as usual, I would cook Christmas dinner, we decorate the house and tree, and overspend on each other, just with more focus on overspending on her. 

I had my Christmas baking all planned out, from traditional family cookies to Ukrainian treats for my partner and his family. I knew what dishes I was going to make for dinner and when they needed to be prepared in advance. 

What could go wrong?

Well, We have a 5-month-old, who while can be left alone to roll around on her playmat for a short time, we have a 5-month-old who cannot be left alone for any length of cooking and baking time. She does enjoy her high chair, so I sat her in it with a few toys, and had her with me in the kitchen. "Ok, cooking lesson 1!" I talked to her, explained to her what I was doing and why, and this lasted for a whole 5 minutes before a diaper change was needed and a bottle. Ok, I can't have the stove or oven on in case she falls asleep on me,,,, don't want anything to burn. Ok, I will prepare doughs and other things, so when my partner comes home, he can watch her while I cook. But I also have to cook dinner, so that will take up some of the stove and oven space. And everything will be different cooking temperatures and times, so that won't work either. 

Plan B, prepare what I can wait till the weekend. 

The weekend comes around.... My Partner gets called into work, it's their busiest time and getting busier. He's a truck driver so this will also mean longer hours with the snow and road conditions. So... Might have to rethink the baking and cooking, scale back a bit? 

We have managed to get the tree up, took longer as we worked in shifts to play and interact with our daughter and to keep her from rolling in the way. Like, it took three hours instead of one, and I was cooking dinner at the same time. 

Plan C, Christmas will be done over two days instead of one. His family one day, mine the next. His family will be treated to brunch, with the most adventurous thing being eggnog french toast. Mine will have a baked ham, salad, and some roasted veggies. 

Cookies and treats, well, there is always next year. Walmart has a good selection of premade treats. Now, all we have to focus on is the overspending and finding time to wrap without each other seeing, and her getting into the paper and tape and without the cats destroying the tree.  

There is always next year, right?

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

These are not the emotions you are looking for

 Pregnancy will flood you with more emotions than you can handle. In the beginning, I had burst into tears at work one day, uncontrollable crying, for no reason! So much so that I had to leave work. My boss kept laughing at me, especially when, while on the phone with her, I realized I had left my banana at home and this resulted in the ugly crying and almost hyperventilating. 

This did not subside in any way, throughout the whole nine months, any little thing could set me off (Never ask my partner to confirm this, he will reference Jurassic park, fallen kingdom, and then make fun of me as I cry again.)

To my DISMAY, this continues to the day, 5-6 months after she arrived. I didn't think that everything would return to normal straight away, but come on! My beautiful baby girl is learning to roll over, she rolled so much that she rolled off her play mat, and bumped her head on the leg of the coffee table, not hard let's be clear, it was a little tap. But it made her cry, and it made me cry as I picked her up to comfort her. Why was I crying? she was fine, no blood, no bruising, just a little tap! I was crying harder than she was!! Big Momma bear turned into a wreck. 

My partner came home later that day and I told him what happened, and that I cried too, he laughed (as I'm sure you are now too) but instead of laughing with him as any normal person would, I got mad. I couldn't help it, I was mad at him, so much so I couldn't talk to him for about half an hour. There was no reason for it. I'm normally a very happy person, in our whole relationship, I think we have only argued once or twice. We laugh at everything and talk like normal rational people, but today, I was a horrible person. 

I reached out to some other mom friends of mine, the response was the same from all of them, You're still dealing with hormones, this will make you irrationally emotional. It takes longer than a few months for those to return to normal if they ever will. 

I spent two days apologizing to my partner, we both laugh now, he even makes fun of me for it. Good to know it happens to everyone, I'm not abnormal. 

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

I treated myself.....And I used conditioner!

 Between all the cooking and cleaning that comes with being a stay-at-home mom, looking after a baby less than a year old means that showers are quick. Yes, I can take longer ones when my partner comes home, but only by about 5 minutes. Quicker if she starts to cry. While he is an amazing father and plays with her and feeds her, when it comes to diaper changes or uncontrollable crying, he is like a helpless babe himself.

However, this shower was for me, my birthday weekend, I was going to treat myself to conditioner! I know that that sounds ridiculous, but I have spent the last few weeks operating on the bare minimum of self-love. Yes my family are fed, wearing cleaning clothes, living in a clean home, with meals prepped ahead of time for both super and lunches for my partner while he is at work, but for me, hair is slicked back into a headband, my pants are so comfortable that they could spend the day on the sofa by themselves, and my shirt is stained with baby vomit, despite multiple washes.  

So, I cranked up the volume on my Spotify playlist (to a huge number 6! any louder and I could have woken the sleeping baby) turned up the water temp from lukewarm to steamy hot, shook off the mom clothes, and jumped in. After the quick wash down that usually happens, I reached for that conditioner bottle and felt the life return to my hair. It's a feeling that cannot be put into words.

Once out of the shower, and dried off, I brush out my hair. No knots, no tangles, the brush glides through effortlessly. Again, a feeling that cannot be put into words. There is nothing like self-love to give you that boost that you are perhaps missing as a busy mom. I was ready to slick back the hair again, done the comfy pants and stained shirt, but that energy of knowing that at the end of the day, when I get to go bed, my hair will still be silky smooth, voluminous, and tangle-free, that will last for a good day or two. And that's all I need to carry on.  

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Fears and worries of the older mother.

 As I watch my daughter, only months old, working so hard on rolling from her back to her tummy, cooing and stretching, twisting and then stomping her feet on the ground out of frustration, I think to myself.....When she's in her thirties, I will be in my sixties......

Will I still be active enough to keep up with her? I hurt now (other health issues unrelated to age) will this get in the way of her childhood? When she is in her forties, I will be in my seventies, now things get really scary! what if she has kids and they look at me like I'm the Great Grandmother, not just their Grandmother. 

But before that, will the other parents mock me or judge me when I take her to school? The younger mothers being more concerned with their image on Instagram or whatever social media platform is the popular choice then, or their favorite flavor from Starbucks was discontinued, while I'm over here worrying about the price of pull-ups and kids clothes. 

Now I know that that statement is judgy in itself, I honestly couldn't say what a younger parent's worries are, some will be the same as mine, the price of diapers and pull-ups for example. When is the next child benefit payment coming in, the price of gas, etc, but not their age? As far as they are concerned, everything is as it should be. They had a family at the "right" age, and so the age difference between mom and child is acceptable. Just from people I have met in different situations, I know that my age has been something for people to question and judge. How will I cope when they get older. When will they have to change my diapers? 

Well, I have a partner to help with that for starters, but in all honesty, it does worry me deep down. However, I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. She is healthy, we are healthy and together we are strong. We plan to raise our daughter to know that age, while it does matter in a lot of situations, there are somewhere it doesn't. Want to buy alcohol? wait till you're 18. Want to drive? Wait till you're 14. Start a family of your own, doesn't matter as long as you have moved out and can pay your own bills and have a stable, healthy relationship that has lasted for more than 5 minutes. 

Yes, I am the older mother, and while it does worry me at times, I'm going to rock it! I WILL be able to keep up with the younger parents and most importantly, I will keep up with my daughter. We will be able to do all the things other parents and children do, and we will be proud of each other (at least, until she becomes a teenager, and is embarrassed to be seen with me)

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak

Yes i'm older.....deal with it

 Not long ago, my partner and I were at a family function. My cousin was getting ready to travel overseas for school. We got talking to a couple who were friends of my Aunts. They were in their 40s and have at least one child. 

They were cooing over our daughter, a mere two months old at the time, saying how they would love to have another, but they were too old now. "Could you even imagine, trying to look after a newborn when you are 40? the toll on your body would slow you down and make it impossible." They were saying.

Well, yes.... yes I can. While my partner may be in his mid-thirties, I AM 40. This is our first and only child. A gift that I have been waiting for my whole life. 

Due to life choices, I had made (and not the good kind as it turned out) I had been denied a family. However, my new partner, a man who has turned my life around for the better, was excited about the prospect of a family, and though it had taken 3 years of trying, is the proudest man a father could be. My age doesn't bother him at all, what is age but just a number.  

I face the same challenges any new parent faces, up every 2 hours to feed in the beginning, being puked on so much, it's my new perfume, diaper changes that should come with a radiation warning on them, the fear that you've put them to bed wrong (the fear of SIDS was drilled into me in the hospital) or that your feeding them wrong, not reading enough to them, or the TV show you are watching while they nap is somehow affecting the way that they will grow up (I love Supernatural and Criminal Minds for example). 

Also, I had a C-Section. So that comes with its own challenges too, just like it does for anyone else. For 6 weeks post-op, you cannot lift, bend, twist, carry anything over 10 lbs or drive. Now, my partner is a truck driver, and we could only afford for him to have the first week off. So that started when I was discharged. The help was great as I was pretty much confined to bed still. But after that, we had to find a way for me to be able to pick up our daughter without bending down so that I could carry her to the nursery to change her diaper. Make sure that her bottles were close to hand to prepare quickly (I was unable to breastfeed) and have food for me until he got home. 

My mother would come over to drive me to appointments, and help with the baby. Getting her dressed, put in the car seat and carried out to the car, and then subsequently into the appointment, but she works too, so when we got back home, she would help me into the house, get settled, and then she had to leave. 

Would I have had all these issues if I was 10 or 20 years younger? probably. Does anything change because I'm 40? No. I still have the same challenges as anyone else. Does my body hurt a bit more or take longer to heal? well, I have other health issues, so yes, but my age doesn't have an impact on that. 

I am so thankful every day, that my life's dream has come true, I treasure each and every moment with my family and I cannot imagine life without either of them. So if someone says to you, your too old to start a family, blow a big raspberry in their face, laugh, and walk away. You are never too old.

#firsttimemom #newbaby #oldermom #momlife #parentingstruggles #mommyneedsabreak